weaning, not what i thought it would be

i’ve been meaning to blog lately but over the last few days it’s been busy around here! we had some friends over on the weekend for a sleepover with their 14 month old daughter on Saturday night, then headed to pick up the dog from my parents house on Sunday and that night, was the last time my little man nursed. i honestly didn’t think that when the time came to bring his nursing to a close, that i would be as emotional as i was. i don’t think either of us were really ready for him to wean, however, with hubby and i having a few evenings out planned, it was kind of necessary. i tried pumping, but didn’t have much luck. since our son only nurses at bedtime, trying to pump during the day got me about 1 oz which definitely wouldn’t be enough to give him at bedtime. i’d like to think that maybe he was only drinking a little and mostly suckling for comfort and relaxation, which made it a bit easier for me. my  sister is coming over in about 2 weeks to watch the little man while hubby and i have a night out: dinner and a comedy show here in town (Danny Bhoy at Centennial Hall, woo hoo!) so we figured that if we started a new bedtime routine, minus nursing, that it might give him enough time to settle into things. i was going to change things up last week when hubby was on days but i honestly didn’t want to. i decided that i’d do it when he was back on afternoons, that way it would be just me and the little man, pretty much same as usual, only minus the boobmilk. i figured that since his bedtime routine had consisted of nursing to sleep for over 95% of his one year of life, that it would be best if it was me putting him to sleep without the milk. that way when the time comes for daddy to try, he won’t be crying to nurse … we headed upstairs around 7:30 and he grabbed a few toys from his room to play with. i set up the gate at the top of the stairs and got out his jammies & sleepsack, turned on the white noise on the radio and clicked on the monitor. i found him playing in the hallway and said, alright little guy, time to brush your teeth! this too was a new thing. for about 6 months he only had 2 little teeth (the bottom front two) but over the past 3 weeks, 6 more have come in. SIX! i figured that since there are 8 now, we probably could switch from tooth wipes to a toothbrush and a baby-safe paste. he was so good about it. he came into the bathroom, i sat him on my lap and i brushed his little teeth, all 8 of them. then i gave him a sip of water and he seemed fairly content. after watching me brush my teeth numerous times, and using his little baby silicone brush to brush his gums etc (from when he was younger) he appeared to be ok with this new thing. we then went to his room, changed him into his nighttime diaper and jammies and sat down in the rocking chair to read a story. we read two books and i told him that it was time to go to sleep now. i turned the lamp down low and we rocked in the chair, like every other night, just minus nursing. at first, he seemed fine; nuzzling his nose into my arm and fidgeting to find just the right spot to fall asleep. after maybe 5 minutes he started to whimper, and that little whimper broke my heart. on and off for about 20 minutes he’d sit back and look at me, cry and then rest his head on my shoulder. i knew it was going to be hard, but i didn’t anticipate the tears that were streaming down my cheeks as i rocked him and told him it was ok and that it was time to go to sleep. as i wiped each one from my cheek i explained that this is how things had to be and it wasn’t that mommy didn’t want to, but rather, she had to, in order for him to be a big boy and be able to be put to bed by someone else. i tried singing and humming our usual nighttime songs but found myself choking up each time i tried; i decided to just rock him in silence for a few minutes to gather my thoughts and after that began to hum. he seemed to relax and fall asleep so i laid him down in his bed and crept out of the room. i wasn’t gone 5 minutes when i looked at the monitor and saw him squirm, sit up and begin to cry. i went back in to soothe my little man; gave him a hug and told him it was ok and it was time to sleep now. i rubbed his back, sang a few more songs and tried to slip out again. this time i decided to sit in our room (across the hall) and watch the monitor to see how he’d do. maybe 10 minutes went by and he was up again. i knew it was going to be hard getting him to sleep this first night, without nursing, but i wasn’t really sure what to expect. i went back into the room and picked up my, then sobbing, son. i sat in the rocking chair, hugged him, kissed him and told him it was ok. i could see from the glow of the clock that his eyes were open, just slightly, looking up at me. we sat like that for another 40 minutes until he passed out, again. i quietly laid him in the crib and slipped out the door. waiting in our room, it took about 15 minutes for him to wake up again, and again i went in to soothe him. i hugged him and told him it was ok, and that mommy would just be downstairs if he needed her and that it was time to sleep now. he let out a big sigh and fell back asleep. by this point i had about 20 minutes before my husband would be home from work. i normally would take advantage of the few hours of time between our son going to bed and him coming home, to do laundry, check email, write a blog, etc. but last night i just sat in the kitchen and ate a bowl of cereal, trying to relax. hubby and i went to bed a few hours later and the little man woke up around 3am. my amazing husband went to tend to him to give me a little break (which i appreciate so much and feel i don’t tell him often enough). i could hear our son whimpering and crying as my hubby tried to rock him back to sleep. after a quick bum change and a little rocking he was out. it only lasted about 10-15 minutes and he was up again, sad. i went in, hugged and kissed him and told him to lay back down and go to sleep. he let out a big sigh and as i rubbed his back i told him that mommy and daddy needed to sleep too and that we’d be just across the hall if he needed us. he fell back asleep and i snuck out of the room. thankfully he slept until we had to wake him up to take him to a doctor’s appointment. i felt bad waking him up, but it was better than him waking us up again in the wee hours of the morning … bedtime today went much smoother and he took about 15 minutes to fall asleep after our new routine. fingers crossed things he sleeps better tonight. it breaks my heart to see him so sad when i know what could make him happy but can’t give in. ahh well. i know this too shall pass.

Advertisements

first birthday bonanza

sort of … it really wasn’t a bonanza, but still a party nonetheless. a small-ish party with our parents, siblings and a some friends; actually, about 22 people, which filled up our little living room pretty good. we didn’t want to do anything big and crazy for the little guy since he wouldn’t really understand what was going on anyway. his first birthday is on Thursday, but we’ll be going up north ice fishing (about 6 hours north of here) so we figured an early birthday soirée would do the trick. first my parents and my dad’s mother arrived, the little man was excited to see them. then my in-laws, then my sister and her boyfriend, my brother-in-law and his wife, etc etc. as each guest arrived i could see the look on the little guy’s face like, what are you doing here too? you’re never all here at the same time, what the heck? he would squeal and chatter with excitement upon seeing the faces of his favourite people. however, as afternoon progressed he had a few minor meltdowns, likely due to the fact that we woke him up in the morning rather than letting him wake himself (in order to squeeze a nap in before the party started). we sat down to open his gifts with him but after maybe 2, he wasn’t really interested. he would pull the tissue paper out of the gift bags but had no desire to open any wrapped gifts! haha he just continued to play with his toys, so i opened them up for him 🙂

after the gifts were done we decided it was time to give him a birthday cupcake! this would be his first time having a cupcake so we thought it would be pretty fun for him, well it wasn’t as we anticipated it to be. he doesn’t really like having things stuck to his hands so upon squishing the cupcake (with a little help from mom), he looked at his hand with a disgusted face but then put it up to his mouth and gobbled up a few remnants of cupcake. this went on for about 5 minutes (with my hubby recording the whole thing and people taking pics). he kept looking at everyone like, why are you all watching me? why is this thing sticking to my hands? waaahhh! we all chuckled and said how funny this will be down the road when we tell him his first birthday cupcake experience was a flop, lol.

camocupcakes

the cupcakes, however, were fantastic! if i do say so myself. my hubby  helped me stay up late Saturday night making them and then we got up early Sunday morning to put the icing on. i needed his help because i decided i wanted to make camoflague cupcakes for the little guy. yup, camo. green and white and light brown and dark brown. very time consuming but well worth the end result! with hubby being a hunter, as well as my father and father-in-law, it only seemed fitting. we used piping bags and mixed up separate bowls to add the colours to the cake batter and then each took two to squeeze them into the cake pan. then pretty much did the same thing with the icing (but just 3 colours) and squeezed it all into my icing dispenser thingy – that’s the technical term for it – so that we could make the icing match. voilá! i don’t know how often i’ll make these, as they took alot more effort and much more time than even the little mini hamburger cupcakes i made a few years ago for a friend’s 30th bday (which were a huge hit too). those were more like a little assembly line (with one worker, me)

hamburgercupcakes

overall, it was a nice get together for our little man, but i definitely understand why people choose to go outside their homes to have children’s parties. we only had 2 other kids at our house and that was plenty for me. we were all pooped once everyone left, and after cleaning up the  mess and rearranging the dining room & living room back to their usual tidy-ish states, we were even more tired. hubby and the little man went down to the basement to snooze while i finished tidying up even more. although i was exhausted, having a clean house makes me feel better. especially the kitchen, when it’s clean i just feel like, ahhh.

we’re going to try giving our son another cupcake, but on his actual birthday, and without the audience. we’ll see how he does. we might get the same results as yesterday, but who knows. either way it’ll make for some good pics!

telemarketers, telemarketers, go away. don’t call back, EVER.

GRRRRR. so i just got off the phone with Rogers. i called to inquire about blocking specific numbers from calling our home phone and the only option is to pay them $6/month to do so! apparently some other features come along with it, such as specific family ringtones, blocking private caller names, specific long distance rings, forwarding calls to another number etc etc BUT i don’t care about those. i just want to block the ignorant people who keep calling my house when i’m trying to put my son to bed. the first call was at 8:15pm tonight and the second was at 8:45pm! telemarketers should not be permitted to call after 7pm, ever. whether you have children or not, who wants to sit on the phone and sign up for services or do a survey (or whatever they’re calling about) when you likely are tired from a long day and would like to unwind and enjoy that at that exact moment, you have no responsibilities, nothing to cook or clean, nothing to do but to sit your ass and reeeeeelax (ok, so there’ll always be laundry and cleaning to do, but really those can wait). every evening, especially when my hubby is on afternoon shift, i look forward to the small amount of “me” time that i get after my son goes to bed. if someone disturbs that time by calling to ask me to take a survey or to tell me that my computer has a virus i’m going to lose it on them (and by the way, we have a MAC so telling me that my PC has a virus is a bad excuse for calling). you’d think that a company like Rogers, who has hundreds of thousands of customers and makes millions a year would be able to offer a simple feature of blocking callers without it costing me $40/year. i know it doesn’t sound like much, but every time i add another feature to our bill that’s more money we have to fork out, to a company who likely could survive without my $6/month. what’s even more infuriating is that when i tried to call said numbers back i wasn’t able to speak to anyone, surprise surprise. i discovered that the one number, upon Googling it, is from somewhere in Quebec, and apparently the person at extension 200 is unavailable and i am to leave them a message. i did just that, more than a few times over the last few weeks too. and it wasn’t a pleasant message, and i don’t care. when i phoned the other number a recorded message came on thanking me for calling Greenwich Associates and explained that they’re just calling to do a survey and not sell me anything, and that they look forward to talking to me in the future. unfortunately there wasn’t an option to leave a message for them; if so, they wouldn’t have been looking forward to any future phone calls from me asking them to not call me at 9pm, ever. while i understand that telemarketers have a job, and that said job is phoning people to sell services, take surveys and inquire as to recent customer experiences, it’s still shitty for those of us on the receiving end. i had a telemarketing job like that once, it lasted for half a day of training and then one shift and i quit. it just wasn’t worth it. i felt like an asshole calling people to ask them to take a survey about carpets, and then calling them back later to tell them that they’d won a free gift basket for completing the survey. the gift basket was a ploy to get a vacuum salesman in the door to try and sell them a $2,000 vacuum. REALLY?! it felt dishonest and very wrong. which is exactly what i said when i told the supervisor that i wouldn’t be returning to work the next day, or ever. that was almost 15 years ago now, how time flies. i feel better ranting about it here; that way my hubby gets to hear the more condensed and less-angry version, which i’m sure he appreciates.

sleepless (babe) in London

i decided to crack open a cider tonight to celebrate me finally getting my son to sleep. a delicious, cold, Magners cider. i would prefer to have one of their pear flavoured ones, but alas, we don’t have any of those in the house, boooo. the reason i’m celebrating is because i finally got my son to sleep after 1 hour  and 45 minutes,  after he finished nursing. i think that’s a record. he usually falls asleep within 20ish minutes after he has his milk; i have no idea what was going on tonight. he was fidgety and kept tossing and turning while i was holding him, so i tried just laying him in his crib and leaving the room. that didn’t work; he stood up and started bawling. i went back in, picked him up and sat back down in the rocking chair where he proceeded to do the same thing, except this time he was smacking and biting! what the?! where is this coming from?! after numerous times of telling him to stop and that it’s not nice to hit or bite i tried putting him in his crib and again, and ended with the same results as the first time. i came back into the room and gave him his sea turtle that lights up the ceiling with stars and moons and set him in the crib with that. he was entertained for maybe 10 minutes and got mad again. i picked him up a third time and sat in the rocking chair to try again. it likely sounds like all this didn’t take that long, but trust me, it took forever and felt like even longer. he started fidgeting again and i held him away from me and said, listen! you need to be nice to mommy if you want her to stay in the room! i love you very much but you can’t hit or bite or i’m going to leave again and not come back in! he put his head back on my shoulder and settled a little more than before … after about 10-15 minutes like that he finally drifted off. 9:50pm. urgh. and of course he decides to have nights like this when my hubby is working afternoon shift and can’t be here to take a turn. i don’t know how single moms do it because i’d go batshit crazy if i didn’t have a little time to myself every now and then. heck, i’m almost there now.

looking cool vs. freezing your hiney off

to the 2 teenage boys that i saw outside today wearing just t-shirts: you don’t look cool, you look stupid.

i remember being a teenager, but i don’t remember being a stupid teenager. i always wore my winter coat, especially when it was -10 outside (that’s 14F for my american friends). would you honestly choose to try to look cool by not wearing a jacket or coat instead of keeping your body warm and not freezing your ass off?! i often wonder what goes through kids minds when they make that decision. i remember not wanting to wear a winter toque when my hair was short because then when i took the hat off i would have a serious case of hat-head. i decided instead to find hats that i liked so that i could just wear them all day, in turn, keeping my head warm and not suffering from another bad hair day. i still do that. now, i understand if you are going somewhere (like a mall) where you’ll be indoors for an extended period of time and you don’t want to carry around your jacket so you leave it in the car; but that means you’ll only be out in the freezing cold for maybe 5 minutes (if you park reeaaally far away). this freezing-your-hiney-off-just-to-look-cool (or hot) thing also can be applied to those women who like to go out clubbing in the freezing cold of  winter wearing a piece of clothing that barely covers their ass and a pair of cute shoes with no tights. i honestly think that your skirt or shorts should be long enough cover your vagina. no one wants to see that. and for the few select people that actually do want to see it, they don’t and won’t respect you. if you show off the goods for free, before someone even gets to know you, well, you’re stupid too.

my super man

it’s 9:25pm on saturday night and i decided to write this blog post because my son won’t go to sleep. after nursing we cuddled, as usual, for 20-30 minutes and i ended up snoozing only to find him looking up at me when i woke up (i was only out maybe 10-15 mins) … i sent my hubby a text to ask if he’d come try rocking the little guy. he was in there for probably 20 mins or so when he opened our son’s door and said, the laundry’s ready to run through a regular cycle now … when the little man saw me he reached for me so i took him and rocked him while hubby went downstairs to take care of the wash. he sent me a message saying it’s going through a cycle now, i’ll come back up and rock him. i told him it’s ok, i’ll do it. he said, i know, but you need a break. i love this man. it’s not just for tonight and doing the laundry and taking a turn rocking our son to bed (which he doesn’t do too often because of his swing shift at work) but for all the little things he does for me and our son. he works so hard, his regular hours each week and usually at least one shift of overtime on the weekend. right now i can hear our son on the monitor giggling because his dad makes him happy (despite the fact he should go to sleep, an hour ago). he does the laundry, cuts the grass, takes out the garbage. cleans up the dog poop in the yard (a task no one enjoys), helps do chores around the house (especially vacuuming!), shovels snow, rakes leaves. he gets along with my family and enjoys hanging with them, even going on vacations with them. he gets along better with my father than anyone i know (which is a pretty big thing if you know my dad). he takes care of me when i’m sick, hugs me when i’m sad and is my biggest supporter. he makes me laugh every day, and i love to laugh. he listens to my rants and raves, my loves and hates, and he actually does listen. he engages in conversation with me, regardless of the topic. he shows interest in the things that interest me. he respects me and loves me for who i am. we’ve been together for almost 7 years and i can’t imagine being with anyone else. he’s my drinking buddy, my partner in crime, my husband and my best friend. i’ll never be able to tell him how much he means to me and how much i love him.